The last couple weeks have been difficult. One of the worst pieces of news was that Nex Benedict could very well have died by suicide. No matter the cause, Nex isn’t coming back, so it may seem strange to care so much about why and how their death happened, but it’s not. Nex dying by suicide implies that they felt miserable for quite some time, and did not believe that it was possible to find resources to make things better. That, further, implies some very bad things for all trans and non-binary kids in Oklahoma.
As a result, I think now is the time to revisit a post I made a while back about reasons to stay alive even when suicidal emotions and ideation are at their worst. (It was inspired by another post on the same general topic by Hanna Blank Boyd.) In my post I said I would gather up any and all of the reasons people were willing to provide in the comments and make them into a new post. As always, if you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, I encourage you to access help. There is help. There is always help. 988 is one number you can call. You can reach the same organization online at
https://988lifeline.org/
and there are other resources besides. The Trevor Project is one that is queer/trans youth specific, but there are many more, some general, some local, some specific to other communities.
That out of the way, let’s look at the reasons people gave to my original post (both here and where it was cross-posted on freethoughtblogs.com).
Others would be hurt that you may not wish to hurt
You might consider suicide wrong for religious reasons or for other moral/ethical reasons (including that it’s wrong to hurt others, and others will likely be hurt)
Wanting to see grandchildren born and grow or children grow up
Fear of botching suicide and ending up worse off than before, without even the independence to try again
An awareness that things might get better, coupled with a willingness to wait and see, if support is available to make that possible
Realizing that suicidal thoughts or emotions are not coming from one’s “normal” mind, and not wanting to act on thoughts that aren’t one’s own (in some sense)
Wanting to contribute to one’s family, community, or society
Wanting to do or experience a favourite thing again, even if just once more
Meds or therapy work for you
Fear of dying or fear of having to attempt the process of killing yourself
Family or friends have been hurt by suicide or other deaths in the (recent?) past, and this seems like a very bad time or would hurt a particularly vulnerable person
Trying anything seems like too much effort, even suicide
Feeling that much bad exists, but much good exists, and shifting focus to the good is enough to alleviate the compulsions toward suicide
Tried suicide in the past and it didn’t work
Your pets wouldn’t understand
You made a promise to someone who asked you not to
Your death will cement your failures, but living you might still reverse some of them
The desire for suicide was a sudden impulse and passed on its own
Obviously one, some, many or all of these may be unhelpful to someone. No one is supposed to feel better because of any specific reason. Just because it worked for someone doesn’t mean it works for you. Other reasons may be a temporary help, but wouldn’t help for long.
All that is fine. There is no bad reason to stay, nor, for that matter, am I judging anyone’s reasons for contemplating suicide in the first place. But I know the pain that comes with depression and suicidal ideation/impulse, and no matter who you are or where you are, if I knew you and knew you were struggling with those same things that have hurt me, I would want to help.
So this is me, doing a little helping. While I respect your individual autonomy, I would rather not lose you, personally, or you, all of you/ any of you reading this. You could be a QT experiencing bullying. You could have abusive family members. You could be trapped in a dead end job. You could feel hatred and loathing for your own body. You could just have intrusive thoughts and not know why.
Doesn’t matter to me. I just want you to feel better. So try one of the above, if you like. Or leave a comment with another reason that didn’t make it on the list and maybe feel a little happier and a little self pride. Or just contact someone. Anyone. Maybe it won’t be enough. But on the other hand, maybe it will. It’s not a reason to say, exactly, but you can always kill yourself tomorrow if nothing helps today, but if you kill yourself today, you can’t change your mind and talk to someone tomorrow.
Nothing but good things in the comments, y’all. Let’s just be here for each other.
This gonna be a wall of text.
Been there, done that, got the fucking t-shirt.
Threw a 00 buckshot off the side of the road 15 years ago.
That 12 gauge 00 buckshot round had a fucking primer imprint in it.
Remington 870 shotguns do not misfire.
Until they do.
and that is why I'm here.
My shotgun misfired.
Misfired.
and here I am.
I still have a bit of an issue wrapping my head around that
This might be less true for a teen, but when I came closest - I had stockpiled the pills and considered the plans - I didn’t believe my partner knew how to take care of our dogs, which I loved.